Iron Heart

 I’m aware of the space that I take up.... I feel the blankets and sheets engulfing me each time I think I move. I'm simply drowning. The numbness that I feel is comforting. How interesting is it not to feel your own heart beat? They tell me it’s all in my head. They tell me it can bring my bones to activate and declare the ground like they once did. It just doesn’t happen for me anymore. I’m stuck in my mind watching as the world continues on. They look at me as if my soul doesn’t exist, as if my eyes can’t see them. This bed is my home, my final resting place. I lay here thinking about dying because I panic when I don’t hear my own heartbeat. They always hint at “ what would you do if..” Well tell me. What would you do? Would you unplug my heart? Would you stay here with me until my eyes closed for the last time? You like to ask yourself what I would want  you to do. You think you’ve made the right choice. 

I see you. I see everything. If only I would’ve known you’d chosen me to expire tomorrow. I would have tried to get up. 

Do I have an expiration date? When it becomes too much for you is that when I’m tossed and sealed in the bag and carried away? I lay here knowing that I am dying. I don’t want anything more than to be engulfed by these blankets and sheets. In t-minus 7 hours, that’s the end of artificial  heart beat.